Excuse Me While I Fail You

I’ve been having a rough go of things lately. In the last few months it seems like if one thing hasn’t gone wrong with many of my relationships, another thing has. I’ve been met with multiple disappointments, endless frustrations, and the continuing question of whether or not I respect myself enough to walk away from many of the people I love; the very same people who bring me down and make me feel like less than I am.

It’s strange to think I could love people who slowly chip away at me. Little by little their words, their actions, and even their lack of both take things from me: my self-esteem, my humor, and my generous nature. It’s strange to think that these people give me just as much joy as they cause me pain. While it may balance out and even the scales, should a relationship of any sort really be like this? My head is telling me that it shouldn’t; that any relationship that does not provide more joy than pain isn’t worth the time and effort. The problem lies with that stupid little bastard I call my heart, which keeps on sucking me back in to every flawed relationship I’ve been a part of.

It would be easy to whine and complain that I’m the victim because in many ways I am, but when I really stop and reflect on these relationships, I must admit that am just as much at fault for allowing them to become what they have become; maybe even more so for letting my head take a back seat to my heart.

I keep on thinking about where these relationships go wrong; the exact point at which we take that step in the wrong direction. What comes immediately to mind is the point at which we stop meeting each other halfway. Friendships and romantic relationships are built on a foundation of compromise and a polarity between sides. When we stop compromising and finding that middle ground, we lose the polarity, which in turn shifts the dynamic of the relationship. When we stop meeting each other halfway, we begin chipping away at the foundation of a functioning relationship.

Sure, we let things slide from time to time and even become agreeable in order to avoid conflict. When we do these things, though, we not only allow ourselves to take that wrong step, but to create the illusion in the mind of another person that it’s okay to neglect our wants and needs and substitute ours with theirs. It becomes a relationship not based on compromise and balance, but rather one driven and determined by the domineering personality. This isn’t the way it should be. We shouldn’t have to feel like our wants and needs don’t matter. Yet we stay. Or we allow ourselves to drift apart. We tarnish what was and what could have been simply because we were unable to meet each other half way.

Just some thoughts that have been running through my head for a few days now.

Until next time…stay classy.

–          C.M. Berry

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About C.M. Berry

I'm an aspiring author, blogger, and poet fluent in sarcasm, profanity, and dark humor. I have something to say about everything and whether you love me or hate me, you'll always come back for more.
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