Yesterday my oldest sister gave birth to her fourth child, a healthy baby boy. As of right now at only twenty-three years old I already have twelve nieces and nephews and two more on the way. I come from a very large family (me being the fourth of six kids) and somehow in the last eight years my family has grown exponentially. We’ve acquired so many tiny humans that chances are pretty soon I’ll forget their names.
In such a short amount of time each and every one of my siblings has become a parent, responsible for the lives of one or more human beings. When I stop to think about it, I find that I’m oddly jealous of and saddened by this; jealous because (believe it or not) I want a child more than you could imagine and saddened because it’s going to be a bumpy road for me.
It probably sounds strange to hear that a twenty-three year old single guy wants a child; to most people it would sound unbelievable. The responsibility alone is something that could scare away any would-be parents; for me, however, it feels more than right to take on the challenge of parenting. Maybe I’m weird or maybe being a parent is something that I’m wired for. No matter the reason, the fact still remains that the desire is there…coupled with the reality of the situation and the sadness that invariably comes with it.
If we’re being truly honest, we can’t deny the fact being gay creates some pretty big obstacles for me. While science is advancing and alternatives exist, we have to face the fact that not only are there logistical issues biologically speaking, but in other ways as well. The adoption process is agonizing enough for heterosexual couples; throw some gay into the mix and the process becomes even more daunting with prejudice and bias around every corner. Furthermore, almost any alternative that I may choose to pursue will cost considerable amounts of time, money, and stress.
The fact of the matter is that if I really want children, not only will I have to work harder than most to get there, but I’ll have to come face to face with the reality of being a gay parent in a world where it is not fully accepted. I’d like to think I’m prepared for both of these things, but maybe the sadness I feel about the subject tells me that I’m not. I guess only time will tell. Just some stray thoughts for today…
Until next time…stay classy.
– C.M. Berry
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