Idiotic Idioms

Oddly enough I find myself sitting in bed thinking about the various idiomatic expressions that we use on a day to day basis and how utterly ridiculous most of them sound when we really stop to think about what it is that we are saying. Here are just a dozen that I know I have used in the past and hope that I’ll never use again. Enjoy.

1. A LEOPARD CAN’T CHANGE HIS SPOTS

Unless you skin him…but that’s another story entirely.

2. GIVE AN ARM AND A LEG

Let’s be serious for a minute. How many of us would actually give an arm and/or a leg for something? Can I get a show of hands? Yeah. I didn’t think so.

3. BEAT A DEAD HORSE

I understand the sentiment behind the phrase, but I am very confused by why anyone would beat a horse, be it dead or not. Where did this originate? And I hope this person was investigated thoroughly because chances are that he didn’t stop at horses.

4. BREAK A LEG

-_-

5. BUY A LEMON

What do cars have to do with lemons? Insert confused face here.

6. CHEW SOMEONE OUT

Am I the only one who finds this phrase uncomfortable? I think I’m being thrown off by the whole “chewing” aspect of it. If we’re not going in a sexual direction because of the “…someone out” part, I’m left considering the role of cannibalism in the origination of this phrase.

7. CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR

I’m trying to make the connection between success and cigars and find myself getting nowhere.

8. CUP OF JOE

I’m not quite sure who Joe is, but I’m fairly certain I don’t want a cup of him. Unless of course he has a six pack, nice eyes, and a beautiful smile, which in that case I’ll take the whole damn pot.

9. DON’T LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH

I can’t decide which part of this expression makes it more puzzling: “look” or “mouth.” Either way it’s stupid.

10.EXCUSE MY FRENCH

I took six years of French and I can tell you, honey, that what you just said is NOT French.

11.JOSHING ME

Who is this “Josh” character and what makes him cool enough to be a verb? I hope that one day soon I can be a verb as well. Imagine the possibilities.

12.LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG

I actually found a cat in a trash bag once. In this instance, letting the cat out of the bag was most definitely a good idea.

Until next time…stay classy.

–          C.M. Berry

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About C.M. Berry

I'm an aspiring author, blogger, and poet fluent in sarcasm, profanity, and dark humor. I have something to say about everything and whether you love me or hate me, you'll always come back for more.
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2 Responses to Idiotic Idioms

  1. Amanda says:

    ““Close, but no cigar”

    Definition: Being near success, but just missing out.

    Origin: Once upon a time, fairground stalls favored gifting cigars to winners rather than overstuffed, over-sized plush toys. Needless to say, winning was nearly impossible at the rigged carnival games and thus the idiom [was] born. The first evidence of the saying comes from a film script for Annie Oakley in 1935, after which it was frequently used in newspaper articles.” – http://all-that-is-interesting.com/post/5692281236/interesting-origins-of-7-common-english-idioms/2 – 7/28/12

    Thought that you ought to know, if you didn’t already.

    Great post by the way! I think that idioms are very interesting.

    Like

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