So you want to be a bigot? Well clap yourself on the back because you’ve found yourself the five step guide to becoming a bigot in no time at all. Follow these simple steps and you’ll be well on your way to living the life of ignorance and intolerance that you were meant for.
Step 1: Eliminate Individual Thought
The first and probably most important step to being a bigot is to eliminate all traces of individual thought. In order to embrace a life of ignorance and intolerance you must wholeheartedly commit to the idea that free thinking is wrong. Having your own thoughts about a matter distracts you from blindly following the sources of hate that you have pledged to support.
Step 2: Brush Up On Your Vocabulary
In order to fit into the world of misplaced hate you must have a solid foundation of words to use when spreading the gospel of “true” bigots. Hit the books and the internet to find every possible source of hate speech to strengthen your communication; if you don’t know what a word means, but still feel that it relates to your cause, by golly use it!
Step 3: Do Your Research…Or Make It Up
When it comes to a solid foundation, you’ll need more than just a fresh vocabulary; you’ll need information to use in the heated debates that you will undoubtedly cause. Of course you don’t have time to actually discover the facts so you’ll simply have to make things up on the spot. Carefully avoid talking about where you received your information, throw in some percentage figures to add validity to your facts, and you’ll be well on your way.
Step 4: Spread The Word
One of the biggest and most rewarding parts of embracing a life of hate is the desire to spread the word. In order to expand your audience you must be willing to use every tool available to you from social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter to conversations with random strangers on the street. Every person you come across (both children and adults) should know that bigotry is alive and well and that people with differences do not deserve happiness because of the way they were born.
Step 5: Don’t Discriminate…Between Victims
The worst possible thing you can do as a born-again bigot is to discriminate between victims. All victims are created equally and should be treated as such. Openly hating only one group because of its apparent differences puts unnecessary limitations on spreading your prejudice. Why limit yourself after all? There is plenty of hate to go around.
By following these five basic steps to bigotry, you too can not only embrace a life of ignorance and intolerance, but spread your newfound prejudice to any and everyone who comes your way. Congratulations and good luck on your journey towards a hate-filled world!
I hope you thoroughly enjoyed my touch of sarcasm for the day.
Until next time…stay classy.
– C.M. Berry
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